Adulthood

Spencer would have turned 18 and entered adulthood today.

I don’t need to imagine what he would have been like as an adult. He was always strong-willed and independent. He always viewed himself as an equal when engaging with adults, whether they were parents, teachers, or, yes, skating coaches.

For that reason, I feel like I know the type of adult he would have been: driven, fearless, and always willing to stand up for himself. The hardest part is not getting to see where he would have gone in life once he had complete freedom from constraints like mandatory schoolwork and limitations on where he lived.

We spoke about college, but I don’t think he would go right away, if ever. For the next year or so, I think he probably would be even more maniacally focused on his figure skating career. I can envision him hatching a scheme to get an apartment with some skating friends close to the Skating Club of Boston.

For the next year or two, I think he would be living his best life. Chasing his passion by day. Experiencing independence, self-discovery, friendship, and love off the ice.

I think this would be an amazing summer for him. In addition to his training, I think he would be fully spreading his wings socially. Beach and boating days with friends. Noah Kahan at Fenway and Muse at Xfinity Center. We probably wouldn’t see him for days at a time.

He was excited about getting a job, even though juggling work, school, and his long commute to the club made it difficult. In the short term, I think he likely would have pursued a job at the Starbucks near the skating club, as some of his friends had done before him. He had also begun thinking about ways to create income streams around his skating career, such as shows, sponsorships, and social media monetization. I have no doubt that he would have quickly cracked the code on this and created an unconventional — but successful — early career for himself.

Regardless of how far up the competitive ladder he made it with figure skating, it undoubtedly would have been his central focus for the next several years.

Spencer had a real wanderlust and sense of adventure. He would have taken every opportunity to travel, whether for skating shows and tours or just fun adventures with friends.

I envision one scenario where the Skating Club of Boston is always the home base that Spencer returns to from his adventures. He truly loved it there, and it’s a focal point of the sport.

But he also occasionally mentioned the idea of going to live and train at the U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Committee’s training center in Colorado Springs. I think this would have been within his reach and a wonderful experience if he had chosen to pursue it.

If you knew Spencer, it might be hard to imagine him being obsessed with anything other than skating. But another loss I feel is not being able to see what other passions he would have developed throughout his life.

While mandatory, structured learning was always hard for him, he was extremely intelligent and curious. When he became fascinated by something, he would self-educate about it obsessively the same way he did with skating.

He was creative, and he liked to design and make things in both the virtual and physical worlds. He would text Christine and me pictures from his high school graphic design class and would sketch clothes and skating costumes in Procreate on his iPad. He took a glassblowing class and experimented with pouring epoxy mixtures into coasters and other creations in our garage. (Yes, it was as messy as it sounds.)

Modern AI would have been a superpower for him as he followed his curiosities and brought wacky inventions to life.

One of the ways I remember and celebrate Christine is by doing the things she wanted to do if she were still here. This is harder to do with Spencer, since we were very different people in different stages of life.

But I do find joy in seeing Spencer’s friends continuing on their journeys. Seeing snippets in real life and online of them graduating, becoming adults, choosing colleges or careers, and unlocking the next skating achievement does remind me of what Spencer was robbed of. But more than anything, I picture him smiling with pride and happiness at their accomplishments, experiences, and growth.

To that end, if you are missing Spencer today, I hope you will go out and do something he would have loved, something you yourself love, or better yet, both.

If you're looking for suggestions, I feel confident speaking from experience that Spencer would recommend the sweetest and most over-the-top drink at your local coffee shop or a seafood dinner that costs as much as a mortgage payment.